So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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