I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
