a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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