I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
