I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize