I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
