Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
We have so much sex to catch up on
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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