how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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