that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
