The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
