therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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