i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I wish there were birth control emojis
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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