why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Randomize
