in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
