why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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