I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
