Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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