how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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