I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
