Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize