Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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