it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
