Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
