I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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