I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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