WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
