We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
