dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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