I need help removing her.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize
