How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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