Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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