Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Randomize
