dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
