I can tuck mytits in my pants
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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