I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
