____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
