How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
