Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
