I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
