His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
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