His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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