I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize