I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
