remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
