U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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