You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
