His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
