Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
