1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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