Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
There r osticjed everywhere
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
