you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Randomize
