just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
