I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
