remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Randomize