I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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