I just made out with a guy for $7.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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