Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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