I think I died a long time ago.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
