I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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