I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Randomize
