Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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