did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
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