Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
