nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
