I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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