Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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