someone get that fucking seahorse.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
