I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Sex in the backyard? Check.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
