just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
