I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
